| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|09:31 am] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  stressed | ] |
... I'm getting married in two days...
AND I'M FREAKING OUT! LOL
I keep telling myself that no matter what happens, it'll all be fine. I can show up in jeans with no make up and my hair in a pony tail and it will be fine. The caterer can decide not to show up and it will be fine. All of our guests can stay home or bring 50 extra people and it will be fine. No matter what happens Rich and I will still be there, will still get married, and it will be fine. A wedding (and a marriage!) isn't all the crap we build up around it. It's not the flowers, the candles, the food and the photographer, it's just us. And we'll be there. So it will be fine.
How many times do I have to tell myself all of this before I actually believe it?! LOL |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2009|12:10 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  excited | ] |
Quick update, because I haven't updated in forever....
Today I leave for Spain. I'll be in Europe for about 2 weeks, hitting Ireland, the Netherlands, and the UK at least but perhaps other areas as well. I'll be flying back on the 6th of Oct. On the 9th of Oct I'm driving to Houlton for Bri and Matt's rehearsal dinner, and then in the wedding on the 10th. Late that night we're driving back down to Boston, jumping on another airplane to land in VA the next day. Quick checkin at the hotel, shower, and then off to Katherine's wedding! Driving home on the 12th. Finally- collapse. LOL!
Yep, those are the plans. Catch y'all on the flip side! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2009|07:32 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| | happy | ] |
Very quick post-
We FINALLY have marriage equality in NH. (I hate saying "gay marriage." This gave the right to marry to a lot more people than just those that identify as "gay" and to call it "gay marriage" is again to separate it from what, normal marriage? But okay, enough of that. I'm not going to rant.)
This all makes me feel MUCH better about getting married in Oct. I don't feel like quite so much of a sell out, ya know?
All that being said, Maine did it before NH so I can keep my pride as being a Maine-iac. Dirigo! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2009|11:29 pm] |
Recently I have turned 25 (thank you Philip for the birthday wishes!) and I look at where I am...
I'm still in college (back in college? I took a 4 year break between degrees, I guess that makes me count as "back.")
I'm planning on med school now. (go big or go home, right? LOL, I've always been an overachiever)
I'm getting married in OMG 5 months... Where did time go?!
We own a home (Okay, he owns the home, but I pay half the mortgage and furnished the place, LOL)
I seem to be pretty much where I'm supposed to be...
I guess I had my quarter-life crisis early (ummm... probably around 21 or 22. I seem to remember feeling particularly lost around that time.) I wonder how it is that I seem to be ahead of my own curve. When will I learn to let things happen at a slower pace? Sometimes I wonder what I've missed along the way. (Never mind, I know what I've missed-- I skipped my early 20's. Or nearly skipped. I speed right through all of that stuff. I'm not sure if I actually miss it...)
In other news- best way to plan a wedding- Let your fiance do it. If your fiance doesn't want to do it then no one should do it. Planning, when it comes to silly things like weddings (for all the glitz and drama, weddings really are kinda silly. Marriages aren't silly, but the wedding is.) is really over rated. It all will happen, why should there be stress about how? If I don't get food from a caterer (the van crashes and burns on the way to the reception site, all the staff have cholera, whatever) then I'll call all the local pizza places that deliver. Guests will deal. If my dress doesn't fit/spontaneously combusts/is sliced up in a fight with a raptor, JCPenny's will be open the day of the wedding and they have prom dresses. Prom dresses come in white, and even if they don't have a white one, who said that the dress had to be white anyway? And as for invitations- All the important people in my life know what the date is. They'll show up whether they get a piece of paper officially inviting them or not.
All that being said- invitations are here waiting to go out. (STDs are on hold whilst the fate of our charity is decided.) Food contracts are signed, tastings have happened. Photographer and officiant are booked. Dress and tux are had. Everyone else gets to wear their own stuff. Flowers will (maybe) be bought day of. We're pretty much done all that planning stuff, and Rich did all the work. Seriously, he did. Yay for a great fiance! |
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| Alive! |
[Mar. 1st, 2009|09:47 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  working | ] |
Wow, it's been forever since I last posted! Truthfully, I'm only posting now to procrastinate doing my mandatory work out :P
Recently I have-
- Finished up and PASSED all of my WFTDA testing! I'm official and can compete with other teams now! It only took me about 2 months and I hadn't been on quads (really, any skates!) since I was about 7. I can even skate backwards now for the first time in my life! And jump! And lots of other stuff! I'm rather impressed with myself :)
- Been doing waaaaaaay too much college work.
- Been trying to keep Seacoast Outright afloat in a time when NO non-profits are doing well, let alone the gay kids. If you have even an inkling, please donate! $25 keeps one support group night open!
- Been working too much seeing as anyone with a job still around needs to keep it. My boss is stressed, therefore I'm feeling the stress. She vents to me, I vent to her, it works out but changes nothing.
- Been trying to get wedding stuff done but so much keeps coming up! I WILL send out those STDs (hahaha!) sometime soon, I promise! You haven't gotten yours yet because NO ONE has!
- Been immensely enjoying the Friday nights with Ben and the weekends they often turn into.
Yeah, that about sums it up. Now I really need to get to working out (Rich is holding me to a schedule so I'll stop whining about my flabby belly and do something about it, LOL) and then to bed.
Oh, for those who don't know yet- the derby name I have chosen is simply Poxy D, because I'll know who everyone is shouting at, LOL! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2008|10:46 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  geeky | ] |
Okay, here's the quick update:
I've joined the ManchVegas Roller Girls, the local roller derby team! Go me!
Now I need a nickname. I'm open to ALL suggestions 'cause you can't just give yourself a nickname! That's lame. Anyway, leave any and all name suggestions in the comments and then I'll take a poll with my top three. Go to it! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2008|05:55 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| | amused | ] |
I'm officially no longer Comcast's bitch! They can kiss my butt.
FIOS is finally available in our area and our internet connection has sucked for a looooooooong time now. The kicker was today when they realized that we had been getting free cable from them for the past 2 years and they shut it off during a "routine" community audit. The reality is that we've been bitching about the internet connection for a few days now and I think they got pissy with us :P
So yeah... Now I'm Fair Point's bitch, but a bitch with FIOS! Oh, and a land line. It actually was cheaper to get a land line and internet than just internet. Like, $13 cheaper. Figure that one out! If you want the number just ask, but I'll probably never use it. Meh! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2008|07:19 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  ... | ] |
In response to Prop 8 and all the other measures banning gay marriage:
For all interested parties- I found this over on Offbeat Bride and I think it's a good idea. If you support gay marriage then take a similar picture and then go over here and link.
I would say more eloquent wordy things but I'm just so hearsick about this issue and at the same time so hopeful for the future. I'm so torn. I want to act, I want to cry, I want to party, I want to do it all. Until then all I can really do is keeping fighting for what I believe in.
I'm facilitating at Outright tomorrow night, it'll be interesting to see what the kids have to say. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|06:24 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| | mixed | ] |
I, like so many others, stayed up and watched the results. I was like an addict, I wanted to refresh the CNN site every 30 seconds to see if we had gotten another state, LOL. If you were one of the many, MANY people I texted then Horray! WE WON!!! If you weren't: HORRAY!!! WE WON!!!
I almost cried. I stayed up until 1AM listening to the speeches and whatanot even though I had to get up at 4AM to go to work. We did it everyone! History has been made and now the work can begin. OH- and did my man Obama mention the queer kids in his speech? Oooohhhh yeahhhhhh!! (Okay, I know, he won't legalize gay marriage as a constitutional thing, he wants to leave it to the states, but it's something!)
But in other not great news: Alabama, Florida, and mother fucking California: FUCK YOU. I didn't want to get married in your lame fucking state anyway. You SUCK. Come November 12th I can get married to a chick in Connecticut anyway.
Nebraska (and maybe Colorado): Ending affirmative action?! What the fuck?! Awwww, did someone step on your privilege?
Arkansas: What, too many super great straight couples losing their babies to TEH GEYS? Not enough orphans for you? FUCK OFF.
Washington: Thanks for the Dr. assisted suicide. Seriously, it's time people got around to talking about this again.
South Dakota (and begrudgingly California): Thank you for not limiting abortion rights. It's good to know that while I still can't marry who ever I want in your states at least I can take care of things when some redneck rapes me, right? 'Cause you've totally (kinda) got my back so long as it was a straight, non homo sort of thing.
Colorado: So long as you DON'T end up ending affirmative action, thanks for not declaring conception as the start of life. It's a step.
Michigan: Way to go with stem cell research and medical pot! You're looking better :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2008|09:45 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  surprised | ] |
WTF MATE?!? I thought I had a few (at least one!) weeks off before my next set of classes began. Wrong. So very, very wrong. I logged on to BB tonight to check the final posts in my last class and BAM! 2 new classes posted! *sob*
And apparently Applied Finite Math isn't what I thought it was. I thought it would be easy but it may be a bit of a challenge! Well, considering I haven't been in school for 4 years and all the math I do is very applied to my job (physics are easy, seriously) anything more than Algebra 2 may be a challenge, LOL.
We'll see how this goes. Rich asked me when it was too late to withdraw and I told him that I refuse to withdraw! I can totally do this! It may suck along the way but I've never withdrawn from a class before and I've never gotten less than a C in a class before. I will make these classes my bitch! LOL |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2008|09:38 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
Is it seriously only Wednesday night? How is that even possible?!
The good things about this week:
-New laptop! Previous generation Macbook Pro! The new generation went up last Tuesday so I bought this one that same afternoon for a killer price. The sale price has since gone up ;)
-Saw Chuck Mangione. I'm not a huge fusion jazz fan... I'm not even a huge instrumental jazz fan (gimmie vocal jazz any day, I'm a fan... Esp. if it's a beautiful alto!) but I couldn't pass up the chance to see him! He's losing his chops a bit but it was still great and the 17 year old kid with us (a pretty good trumpet and flugelhorn (sp?!) player got to meet him and get an autograph.
-I'm getting tons of overtime and the pay will be nice.
The bad things about this week
-I'm getting TONS of overtime.
-I'm working from open to close on a machine ALONE pretty much everyday.
-I'm feeling pretty bitchy and having a low self-esteem week :(
-I have nooooo tiiiiiiiiime! For anything! Gah!!!
A good example of my week: On tuesday we ordered lunch at work. We do this every week. I heard one of the nurses talking about what we were ordering (chinese) and I said "Oh! Make sure you order the fried rice made without soy sauce!" (This way I and the other celiac in the department can eat SOMETHING. Seriously, Chinese with Celiac is hazardous, LOL) Then one of the receptionists says to me "We're ordering you white rice and getting the fried rice made the normal way so the rest of us can eat it." WHAT?! I replied "Come on, it's the one close to normal thing I can eat with everyone else and a good chunk of the department likes it better that way! You can put the soy sauce on when it gets here, and it's healthier without!" Then I walked away because I was getting so worked up. I went into Deb's office (the other celiac) and shut the door. She has a hard time with the diet and comes to me often to talk about issues of feeling "normal." I rarely bitch about my CD, I don't really have a problem with it; things could be a lot worse! Anyway, I shut the door and said "I'm having a temper tantrum, give me a minute." Then I proceeded to go off. "Excuse me for taking away YOUR right to normal food! Excuse me for wanting to alter the ONE DAMN THING on the menu that I could possibly eat and take away YOUR RIGHT to fucking SOY SAUCE. I'm sorry, I'll continue to look like the fucking anorexic eating dry salad while everyone else has pasta or pizza and plain white fucking rice. For fuck's sake!" Then I felt better and dropped it, LOL. When the food got to the department all I saw was pork fried rice so I started to leave to get an apple (I'm smart, I bring food for lunch no matter what, even if it's just an apple) and the same receptionist said to me (in an even bitchier tone) "Your rice is right there Amanda!" and rolled her eyes at me. Fuck you, go back to your f'ing Match dot com profile and get a life. Gah.
Sometimes I just feel like such a freak. Fucking food issues, fucking body issues, fucking life. I'm trying to do it all because if I'm not doing everything I feel like I'm doing nothing. This is getting stupid. I haven't managed to get into therapy for almost a month and a half because I'm working non stop and while I'm not uber depressed because of the stupid kid thing anymore I'm still not having a good time of it :P
My first class is over this week (still have to finish the final project while going over hiring the new ED for Seacoast Outright, getting a possible shirt prototype and making an accessible calendar for the board, and attend a training all day Saturday and Sunday in Boston. And I'm still working all day every day (Up at 4AM). Oh, and chiropractor appointments so I can try to get some feeling other than pain back in my right leg. Yeah, I can fit a project in there somewhere...) Then I have a few weeks off, I think, before my next two classes start. This is just dumb. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2008|10:57 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  chipper | ] |
Okay, for those of you who didn't know- and yeah, that's most of you, LOL...
This past weekend I auditioned for a show. Yesterday I got a voicemail offering me a part.
The first weekend in October you should come see me in Tony and Tina's Wedding. It promises to be hilarious. I'll be playing the part of Connie, Tina's best friend and maid of honor. Oh, and did I mention that she's 8mos pregnant? Yeah. I'll be the one in the fat suit, LOL.
I can't wait, this is going to be a blast! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|09:16 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  silly | ] |
This Blog is AMAZING. Seriously, go read it now!
Need I say more?! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2008|04:31 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| | grumpy | ] |
Dear Rich-
I love you, but you're acting like a dumbass. Stop it.
Also, the response to the bathroom (that, for back story, used to be a really weird "is it blue? is is purple?" color and had holes in the wall where the incorrectly installed hardware fell out) that I fixed all the holes in, painted and made to look like a normal bathroom that you might want to spend more than 5 seconds and then get the hell out is NOT "I didn't think the bathroom needed to be painted." FAIL. FAILFAILFAIL! My forearms are killing me from endless painting to get all the color covered and I'm tired and it was so fucking humid I was panicked that I wouldn't have it all dried and done in time for you to get home and surprise you. Can you please say "Wow, thanks! You must have put a lot of work into this! I really appreciate it!" and ignore the fact that maybe you didn't think it needed to be painted?! 'Cause it's not like I'm getting props or anything from anyone else lately. Work doesn't give a shit as long as I show up and I only really ever hear any feedback if I fuck up lately. I'm getting SHIT for appreciation. Lots of people are asking lots of things from me and I keep giving because lately I can't stop to care, I have to just keep going. I NEED SOMEONE TO SAY THANK YOU. I tried to do something nice and this is what I get. Well fuck it, I give up.
That being said, THANK YOU for doing at least one of the things I asked you to do today. Now can we please work on listening to me about the other things I need/want done instead of arguing with me before I can even start? Really, you SHOULD buy your cousin a wedding present instead of just having your name stuck on the one your parents bought. You're 28, time to move on, it's just getting really tacky now.
I still love you, but right now I'm not so sure I like you.
And you're not getting laid for a looooooong time unless you start groveling NOW.
-Me
P.S. Can you please be excited for me that I got accepted to SNHU? Thanks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2008|08:04 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| | accomplished | ] |
Just a note:
I've been accepted to SNHU to continue my education. I plan to (eventually) get my Master's degree in Mental Health Work with a focus on Sex and Gender Therapy.
One class about to start, 25 to go, LOL.
(yes, I'm still working full time, taking all classes online)
On a side note, I'm very happy they accepted 44 of my transfer credits. A lot of my credits were highly specialized but most got to count and now I don't need any free electives! Yay! But for a boo: I have to take applied finite math?! WTF?! I didn't take enough high level physics classes to get out of that one? LOL Another kinda boo moment: I was looking over my requirements with my coworkers and one said "Wow, you have to take a lot of history classes and things like that, I wonder why." Then it hit us: I'm getting a degree in the arts sector, not science. Math, where are you?! I'd much prefer a math or science elective to Humanities classes in general. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2008|10:17 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling a little |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
Okay, so I'm off to New Orleans tomorrow. I'm freaking out a little bit, and I thought it was just my "AAAARGH! I'm not controlling everything! How will it ever be done correctly?!?" thing, but then I realized...
This is the first time I've done something truly ALONE.
I don't do "alone" well. Everyone (okay, almost everyone) knows this. I didn't sleep alone until I was about 5, and that's when I developed insomnia. When I know I'm going to be alone for the night, I literally can not sleep with out the aid of prescription sleeping pills. Yes, I've lived "alone" (okay, so it was for 5 months out of my whole life, but that's the only time I've ever lived alone so it counts! And damn, those 5 months SUCKED), but even then I was going to work everyday with people that I knew and I had a lot of overnight guests, LOL. Those 5 months were a very, very dark time in my adult life. It was probably the closest to another breakdown that I've ever been. (Cat Dancer helped me through that quite a bit. Cat, if you ever see this, thanks! And yes, FINALLY I'm getting some therapy for the physical abuse of my adult life. Thank you for insisting upon it.) If I have nothing to eat and I have to wait 5 hours for someone to come home to go to the store with me, I'll starve and wait. I get terribly shy in situations that I don't have some sort of an upper hand, and if I have to talk to people I put my professional face on and hate every minute of it. I get so flustered that I can't keep track of what people are saying because I'm focusing so much on keeping my composure. People are so awfully blurry as it is, it makes it hard to talk anyway.
Okay, so the point is: I've traveled alone many times. I've gone lots of places by myself, but I was always meeting someone or knew someone in the area. Even when I moved to Portland to go to college I knew that I had an aunt that taught there. It was comforting that someone familiar would be around. I've never been somewhere that I don't know anyone from Adam. THIS IS SCARY.
Okay Amanda, you can do this. You can do this. It's totally okay and it's only for 3 days. You'll survive.
Eek! |
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